Many people haven't heard from him, including me (the wife) and his parents. His parents have been watching the news, which I purposely avoid, and they are getting a little worried. I know that James is in good hands and that is all I have to think about. It is so easy for tears to spring up if my mind wanders and wallows in where James is and what he is doing. It is so easy for my heart to twist uncomfortably with worries. It is so easy for me to lose my head and have a meltdown...
Which is why I have to almost pretend that he is not a part of my life. I do realize how horrid that sounds. James knows that in order for my heart and mind to deal with this, I need to go on living. It is what he encouraged me to do anyways.
It doesn't mean that I don't think of him every second. It doesn't mean that my body doesn't ache to be held just one more time. It doesn't mean that my heart doesn't skip a beat when I spot someone that looks similar to James.
It just means that at this time, even when he is always on my mind, I just have pretend he is not a part of my life in order to go on with living and love every second of it. It is hard to explain, but basically, it is a way to survive the heartache and sorrow.
However, on that glorious day, when he steps off of the plane and our lips meet, and our reunion complete, he will be apart of my life again, wholly and fully present. Oh, I can not wait for that day!
but in the mean time, here is an update from James (July 3):
the past couple of weeks have been busy. long days, early nights. post at night, things to do during the day. one good thing that has happened is that i finally got some mail. i woke up the other morning to see that i had three boxes sitting right beside my rack. i also had one box that my lovley wife sent to one of my really good friends here. so in all i had four boxes. i opened my boxes and found that my wife sent me a birthday gift, some dvds, her parents sent me a dvd player, and some snacks. talk about christmas in june. not getting mail like we should be getting and to get three boxes was just amazing.
also i have been getting with three to four guys each week for a bible study. I asked them what would they like to do for their study, they said for me to pick because they didnt know where to start. well i was thumbing through the bible and decided to start with philippians. as i was reading to get started it was just amazing on how the Lord talks to you. here in phillippians, paul is chained to wall and writing to rejoice, just in the first chapter alone he talks about it several times. now, here i am in this country wanting to complain about all sorts of things. one thing was the mail, the other the heat, another not getting enough sleep. and as i was reading i was realizing how much I complain and gripe about everything. paul kicked my butt these past couple of weeks going through his book with these guys. what the Lord is showing me is that i need to fully rely on him to show me how to act and behave. i desire to be that example but so many times i fall. i slip. i bust. but at the same time i must rejoice because the Lord is near. paul writes that in phil. 4:5. its just reassuring when i do fall the Lord is right there beside me, and therefore iI must rejoice. even when i dont fall but just go through a tough time, bullets flying by my head or whatever this life throws at me, i must rejoice. and the man writing that is chained, literally, to a wall. he is imprisoned for his faith and he is rejoicing. the scriptures say those in ministry may never see the fruit of the labor, i have been involved with ministries before the marine corp and i know i may never see the fruit of the labor. but that is okay. if the seed is planted and the Lord waters thats later on these guys lives, then i will see these guys again when i am dancing with my Lord my savior.
laura, my wonderful wife, has asked me to make a list of things to be sent out here. candy- like fruity type candy. skittles, starburst, stuff like that, gum. slim jims. kool aid packets, gatorade powder. baby wipes, that is what we use when we can't shower and they make really good rifle cleaning.
also i have been getting with three to four guys each week for a bible study. I asked them what would they like to do for their study, they said for me to pick because they didnt know where to start. well i was thumbing through the bible and decided to start with philippians. as i was reading to get started it was just amazing on how the Lord talks to you. here in phillippians, paul is chained to wall and writing to rejoice, just in the first chapter alone he talks about it several times. now, here i am in this country wanting to complain about all sorts of things. one thing was the mail, the other the heat, another not getting enough sleep. and as i was reading i was realizing how much I complain and gripe about everything. paul kicked my butt these past couple of weeks going through his book with these guys. what the Lord is showing me is that i need to fully rely on him to show me how to act and behave. i desire to be that example but so many times i fall. i slip. i bust. but at the same time i must rejoice because the Lord is near. paul writes that in phil. 4:5. its just reassuring when i do fall the Lord is right there beside me, and therefore iI must rejoice. even when i dont fall but just go through a tough time, bullets flying by my head or whatever this life throws at me, i must rejoice. and the man writing that is chained, literally, to a wall. he is imprisoned for his faith and he is rejoicing. the scriptures say those in ministry may never see the fruit of the labor, i have been involved with ministries before the marine corp and i know i may never see the fruit of the labor. but that is okay. if the seed is planted and the Lord waters thats later on these guys lives, then i will see these guys again when i am dancing with my Lord my savior.
laura, my wonderful wife, has asked me to make a list of things to be sent out here. candy- like fruity type candy. skittles, starburst, stuff like that, gum. slim jims. kool aid packets, gatorade powder. baby wipes, that is what we use when we can't shower and they make really good rifle cleaning.
other than all of that, things here are going okay. we have been mentioned online by the associated press and viewed on youtube. its exciting to see that we are getting our backs slapped. its a good feeling from the press. i love you all and miss you dearly. peace till later.
My joy is feeling the late evening summer breeze stirring up my hair and gracefully dance upon my face.
4 comments:
such a full post... and such challenging and encouraging words from james/paul. thank you both for the service you are giving us!!! i simply cannot imagine (feel like i've been saying that a lot lately). and your description of your defense mechanism is perfect! crisp. completely understandable. and brilliant. what a strong woman you are! i love reading about you and your life!!!
='[ i cant wait to come out and visit you guys... it will be here before we know it... i mean look the summer is already half over, it seems like yesterday i was walking accross the stage getting my deploma... how time flies when you keep busy, he will be home before you know sister. love you.
beautiful post Laura.
I also love James' quick explanation for why he wants baby wipes
Oh, first...thank you for your kind, kind comment.
Second...love your header pic.
And finally...tears reading this. I cannot begin to imagine what you go through and can so understand what you have to tell yourself. I so admire women like you. So admire.
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