Ah yi yi and a tired sigh

I know. I know. I did say I was going to be better about this.

I am horrible with blogging. I absolutely *love* to read other blogs and I even love to re-read my old postings. It's just sometimes I love to jot memories and stories down and other times, I could care less.

...Melodramatic venting here...

I am tired of this whole stupid transitioning point. I knew that it was going to be hard... but everyone knows that saying it and actually going through it is two different things.

This whole living out of a suitcase is overrated. I yearn to erase what I just wrote because I want to come across that I can easily travel and adapt to change. But why am I lying to myself? There are some changes that doesn't phase me and others that just brings meltdowns. And this is a meltdown change.

The Marine Corps has always been in my relationships with James... through our courtships, dating and marriage. It is like a tiny pebble in my shoe. I've learn to walk with it. I can shake my foot to get it to rest in a place where it's not so uncomfortable. Over time, I can endure it and go about life without having to wince with every step. The pebble becomes a part of my shoe. One day, rather suddenly, that pebble was no longer there. I have to relearn how my shoe feels, how to walk without doing a ridiculous foot jiggle, and to get into a new walking rhythm.

I have learned to accommodate myself to the way of life in the Marine Corps. I was able to get to a place where it became easier for me to be a Marine's wife. I could endure the long separations, the military jargon and give James up when Uncle Sam and country came a'callin'. I made my peace with how the Marine Corps was a part of my relationship.

Suddenly, things have shifted and the Marine Corps is no longer a part of the equation. I do feel a bit lost without it right now. I miss being a Marine's wife.

I am fed up with people who over exaggerate with mouths bigger than the Muppets. I am annoyed with people not understanding or taking the time to understand me. I am pissed with those who talk to James or others around me as if I can't talk for myself. I miss being in a place where people know me, understand me and love me.

...end of ranting...

Things I am LOVING right now:

:: change of weather

:: curling up under warm, thick blankets

:: donning on layers

:: gloves and mittens

:: lathering on lotions

:: twin is only two hours away

:: friends and family are near

Yes, it is a transition. A time of change... it comes with the bad and the good.

My joy is frosted breaths on crisp mornings.

A Year Ago...

A year ago today, I posted my last post before I became a blogger hermit.... I just vanished. Poof. Gone.

A lot has happened... some not so great and some so grand.

A year ago, I received an unsettling phone call. Hmm, let me back up a little.

It was a beautiful fall morning, I remember the sun was streaming through the window and there were graceful shadows dancing on the walls. I remember being blissfully happy. I had just won a gold medal in Taipei and I was enjoying my last month being in Michigan before James was due home from a 7 months deployment. I remember I was sitting in the sitting room off to the side of the kitchen, with my laptop on my crossed legged lap, hoping to get a sweet e-mail from James.

I remember Mom had come into the house from being outside on the farm. I remember her being in the kitchen, checking the phone id, to see who had called. I remember her grabbing the cordless and dialing a number. I remember not being too concerned and I continued to roam the Internet. I remember looking up and seeing Mom's face as it fell and her hand came up to her lips. I remember the squeeze of my heart and how it slowed in to a loud thud.

I remember how Mom came to me, still talking on the phone and how she kneeled down onto her knees and said, "James has been hit." I remember how she went on to explain that he was still alive and breathing and how she stressed the fact that he was hurt but he was OKAY.

Then the rest of the story is a blurred memory. You see, James was a machine gunner on top of the humvee in the hot zone of Now Zad, Afghanistan. His convoy was hit by an rpg (rocket propelled grenade), a foot away from where James was on top. Because he was exposed to the elements, he perforated his ear drums. Since the rpg set off on James' right side, he lost more than 90% of his right ear drum and 50% of his left.

He said things went into slow motion, kind of like the scenes in Saving Private Ryan. He recalls being surrounded in a cloud of dust and blood was coming out of his ears. He shared his buddies down below were yanking his legs and trying to force him down. They were screaming at him and he was hearing nothing but ringing. He forced his buddies to finished the mission they were on.

When they returned to their post, the corpsman could not see pass all the blood and he wasn't sure about the extend of James' injuries. James was told that he would most likely have permanent hearing loss. He eventually was shipped to Germany to see a specialist and to get out of the war zone.

In Germany, they were surprised how at the extend of his injuries that he did not need surgery. His ear drums were healing on their own and he gained about 90% of his hearing back. The Lord is good.

Yes, it was a phone call but men in uniforms did not show up at my door. You see, even though the phone call brings bad news, it is those that show up at your door that brings some of the most heartbreaking news of all... your loved one is dead.

Rejoice with me, that my man is here. Rejoice with me, that he can hear. Rejoice with me, for the Lord, our God, is good.

My joy is starting again.

Victory

At the beginning of the three weeks of the deaflympics, I vowed that I would never do this again...

I guess I put my foot in my mouth...

Because I SO would do this all over again. When it was all said and done, I never have fathom that:

:: I would come to love my teammates as much as I do.

:: the victory can be so sweet.

:: the experience will leaving me longing for more.

:: the tears, sweat and blood that were shed and spilled would make me a better person.

The deaflympics was, in a word,

SUBLIME.

Sweet, sweet victory.

The Gold Medal

We are the champions of the world!

Pre-game photo. Love these ladies.

Stepping up onto the podium as champions.

Just received the Gold Medal

Waving and thanking our fans in the crowd

During the national anthem before the final game

Receiving support from home

Carolyn (best friend from college) came and supported me at the finals.

There was nothing like seeing a familiar face in the midst of a crowd.

The next deaflympics is in Athens, Greece in 2013. Wanna join me on that adventure?

Once again, thank you all for your love and support!

My joy is the camaraderie that my team and I have developed during the three weeks of soccer heaven and hell.

A letter to supporters

My faithful supporters,

I know that my blogs are few and far in between, but it does not mean that I am not grateful for your support.

Your cheers, encouragement and support mean the world to me.  After a long day, coming back to the hotel room and seeing what you have left me in the networking world brightens my day.

I love representing the USA.  I so enjoy wearing the red, white and blue clothing.  I enthusiastically join the team chants and cheers.  Heck, I even take joy in donning on an American flag as a cape with the team. 

We have had ups and downs as a team.  We have come together and fell apart only to rise again.  Honestly, I think we are acting like true American women.  Sometimes, we bicker and argue among ourselves, but when someone (outside of the team) or something provokes us, we pull together and get through it.  I am honored to know each and every one of these ladies as we go about our adventure in Taiwan.

Taipei, Taiwan- what a fascinating city.  With mopeds zooming in and out of the chaotic traffic, the rottening smell that rises from the sewers and the mask covered citizens, Taipei is truly a city of its own.  I have had mini adventures with the team all over the city.  Hopefully, we will be able to gain more time to explore the metropolis.

Friends, family and fans, without your support and love, I wouldn't have gone far.  Keep rooting me on as we go for the gold!

with all my thanks,

Laura- #17 (They, unfortuately, mixed up my number.)

My joy is getting encouragment from all of my supporters!

Four Long Years

After four long years that flew by in a blink of an eye, I am standing on the threshold, ready to bid farewell to family, friends and well wishers.  With my cleats and shin guards stowed away and duffel bag in hand, I am off to the isle of monsoons. 

For four long years, I have trained with the USA Women's Deaf Soccer team.  I have come to know many of the wonderful ladies, all who come from different walks of life.  We have come together for the love of the game and we all have a common ground- we are all hearing impaired or aka deaf.  As cheesy as it may sound, I can not express what joy it is when I am with "my people".  

During the four long years, coaches and captains have combed the nation for futbol lovin', cleat wearin' ladies to represent the USA in the 2009 Deaf Olympics. We are now at the point where we are all going to travel to LA to meet as a team.  From there, we are heading for Taipei!

Now that the four long years are behind us, I am proud to say that the games begin on the 5th of September with the Opening Ceremony and we will wrap it up with a Closing Ceremony on the 15th of September.  

The best way to keep track of the games are through these websites:

the main US deaflympic site:

 http://www.usdeaflympics.org/

for a live feed of the games: http://www.deaflympics.tv/

for the schedule:

http://english.2009deaflympics.org/ezfiles/27/1027/img/11/T2009-TCS-Football-200908172310.pdf

 

I am the blonde hair pony tailed gal with the #14 USA jersey.

Without a further ado, let me just say, 

"Look out world, here we come!"

My joy is knowing I am in the right place at the right time.

James III

I recieved this update from James last week right before my life got busier than a beehive.  I was blessed to be able to chat with him for 4 hours on Skype.  Lord knew we needed that conversation because honestly, I have no idea when the next time will be.

Many people haven't heard from him, including me (the wife) and his parents.  His parents have been watching the news, which I purposely avoid, and they are getting a little worried.  I know that James is in good hands and that is all I have to think about.  It is so easy for tears to spring up if my mind wanders and wallows in where James is and what he is doing.  It is so easy for my heart to twist uncomfortably with worries.  It is so easy for me to lose my head and have a meltdown...

Which is why I have to almost pretend that he is not a part of my life.  I do realize how horrid that sounds.  James knows that in order for my heart and mind to deal with this, I need to go on living.  It is what he encouraged me to do anyways.  

It doesn't mean that I don't think of him every second.  It doesn't mean that my body doesn't ache to be held just one more time.  It doesn't mean that my heart doesn't skip a beat when I spot someone that looks similar to James.

It just means that at this time, even when he is always on my mind, I just have pretend he is not a part of my life in order to go on with living and love every second of it.  It is hard to explain, but basically, it is a way to survive the heartache and sorrow.

However, on that glorious day, when he steps off of the plane and our lips meet, and our reunion complete, he will be apart of my life again, wholly and fully present.  Oh, I can not wait for that day!  

but in the mean time, here is an update from James (July 3):

the past couple of weeks have been busy. long days, early nights. post at night, things to do during the day. one good thing that has happened is that i finally got some mail. i woke up the other morning to see that i had three boxes sitting right beside my rack. i also had one box that my lovley wife sent to one of my really good friends here. so in all i had four boxes. i opened my boxes and found that my wife sent me a birthday gift, some dvds, her parents sent me a dvd player, and some snacks. talk about christmas in june. not getting mail like we should be getting and to get three boxes was just amazing.

also i have been getting with three to four guys each week for a bible study. I asked them what would they like to do for their study, they said for me to pick because they didnt know where to start. well i was thumbing through the bible and decided to start with philippians. as i was reading to get started it was just amazing on how the Lord talks to you. here in phillippians, paul is chained to wall and writing to rejoice, just in the first chapter alone he talks about it several times. now, here i am in this country wanting to complain about all sorts of things. one thing was the mail, the other the heat, another not getting enough sleep. and as i was reading i was realizing how much I complain and gripe about everything. paul kicked my butt these past couple of weeks going through his book with these guys. what the Lord is showing me is that i need to fully rely on him to show me how to act and behave. i desire to be that example but so many times i fall. i slip. i bust. but at the same time i must rejoice because the Lord is near. paul writes that in phil. 4:5. its just reassuring when i do fall the Lord is right there beside me, and therefore iI must rejoice. even when i dont fall but just go through a tough time, bullets flying by my head or whatever this life throws at me, i must rejoice. and the man writing that is chained, literally, to a wall. he is imprisoned for his faith and he is rejoicing. the scriptures say those in ministry may never see the fruit of the labor, i have been involved with ministries before the marine corp and i know i may never see the fruit of the labor. but that is okay. if the seed is planted and the Lord waters thats later on these guys lives, then i will see these guys again when i am dancing with my Lord my savior.

laura, my wonderful wife, has asked me to make a list of things to be sent out here. candy- like fruity type candy. skittles, starburst, stuff like that, gum. slim jims. kool aid packets, gatorade powder. baby wipes, that is what we use when we can't shower and they make really good rifle cleaning. 

other than all of that, things here are going okay. we have been mentioned online by the associated press and viewed on youtube. its exciting to see that we are getting our backs slapped. its a good feeling from the press. i love you all and miss you dearly. peace till later.

My joy is feeling the late evening summer breeze stirring up my hair and gracefully dance upon my face.

Homage to Allie

Ahem... 

These pictures are from, 

oh let's see... 

*counting down the months on my fingers and muttering out loud* 

"March, April, May, JUNE!"

With a bewildered acclamation, 

I just now realize that it was 4 months ago.

FOUR. MONTHS. AGO.

Wow, I am loving and enjoying life so much

that time is flying.

Four months ago, Allison Galoob, 

a dear friend and teammate,

came out for her spring break.

The timing could NOT have been 

more

PERFECT.

After all, James had just left for 6-weeks training in CA

and a few mere hours later,

Allison arrived.  

Bringing smiles, laughter and sunshine.

I am FOREVER grateful

that she decided to spend her spring break

with me.

She helped me 

by pulling me back from the edge of

depression

and even

despair.

God knew what I needed and when I needed it.

He gave me a friend 

who brighten my days

during a lonely and difficult time.

Thank you Allie,

I am forever grateful.